Humans Flock to Mars for Affordable Housing, as the Extraterrestrial Real Estate Market Booms

Austin, TX — Agents in the real estate industry are reporting a shocking uptick in demand for Martian dwellings. As real estate prices on Earth continue to skyrocket, desperate purchasers have begun looking for alternatives, even if they are only 140 million years away.

As the housing market continues to soar, some brave souls have taken matters into their own hands by venturing into the red planet’s arid wastes. Real estate agents have jumped on the bandwagon, offering attractive discounts on Martian mansions with roomy layouts, spectacular views of the night sky, and few or no neighbors.

Mars Realty Group, a firm that has jumped on the Mars housing bandwagon, has released an ad reading, “Tired of claustrophobic living conditions and astronomical Earth prices?” Space to spread out, beautiful sunsets, and affordable living can all be found on Mars.

Dell and Karen Kemblecrotch, a newly interstellar couple, spoke of their transition, saying, “Back on Earth, we could barely afford a shoebox-sized apartment. But now we have a Martian farm that’s so big it has its crater in the backyard! The absence of oxygen is a slight problem, but otherwise, we’re happier than ever!

Of course, not everyone is over the moon about the idea of buying property on Mars. Many worry about lacking basic amenities like running water and air conditioning. However, the Martian colonists are unfazed, maintaining that the advantages of low-cost housing far outweigh the necessities of air and water.

Experts say it’s only a matter of time until other heavenly planets enter the fray as the Martian real estate market expands. For instance, there is talk that high-end residences with spectacular views of Earth’s dawn could soon be in high demand on the moon.

For the ambitious and financially savvy buyer, the sky is no longer the limit in today’s market.

Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair is Gish Gallop's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.

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