John Stossel Investigation Reveals ANTIFA Paid NO Federal Income Taxes

New York, NY — In an upcoming episode of John Stossel Investigates on ABC television, the intrepid libertarian-leaning journalist claims that ANTIFA has paid little or no taxes since 2017. The six-month investigation, which included Mr. Stossel going undercover disguised as a professional wrestler, revealed that the enigmatic anti-fascist group utilized questionable loopholes to evade paying their fair share of taxes.

“When action is divorced from consequences,” observed Mr. Stossel in a clip from the broadcast, “no one is satisfied with the outcome. Suppose individuals can take from a common pot regardless of how much they contribute. In that case, each person has the incentive to be a free rider, doing as little as possible while taking as much as possible because what one fails to take will be seized by someone else. Soon, the pot is empty and will not be replenished — a dire situation even for the early takers.”

Antifa (short for anti-fascist) is a left-wing political movement in the United States consisting of an array of autonomous groups that aim to achieve their objectives through direct action rather than policy reform and unconventional uniform choices. One of those objectives is avoiding the payment of their income taxes.

“Life is fairer when individuals are free to make their own decisions,” continued Mr. Stossel, seemingly not comprehending his statement, “which is why it’s puzzling that ANTIFA refuses to pay its taxes. If they are liberal democrats, shouldn’t they be paying their taxes to support the central government?”

According to one of the 420 official spokespeople for ANTIFA who came forward to comment, there is no central control or organization for the left-wing group. In fact, as per at least half of the official communication liaisons, ANTIFA prefers not to support what one referred to as “the murderous US foreign and domestic policies propped up by taxation.” Another 22% of the 420 favored additional taxation of the “owner class” to fund social programs, and the remainder inquired if we had any soup cans.

John Stossel Investigates: ANTIFA Tax Cheats will air on primetime ABC TV next week.

Roy Riffle
Roy Riffle
Our youngest columnist, Roy Riffle gained fortune, though not necessarily fame, when at 9 years old he coined the phrase "Obey Your Thirst". Some of his smugness stems from "having read the bible and understanding the metaphors." Roy is currently the only Millennial on Gish Gallop payroll. And hopefully the last.

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