Kanye Convinces Fire To Avoid Kardashian Home

According to Kayne West, now known a 'B', he was able to save his home by merely talking to the wildfire.
According to Kayne West, now known as ‘B’, he was able to save his home by merely talking to the wildfire.

Malibu, CA — Singer, songwriter, producer and former MAGA twaddle Kayne West told reporters today that he was able to single-handedly convince the raging wildfire that swept through the Malibu hillside to avoid his home. Still donning a red MAGA despite recent rumors regarding his displeasure with the President, Kayne who recently changed his name to the letter ‘B’, spoke with a Los Angeles-based television crew in front of his home.

“There was something about when I put this hat on it made me feel like Superman,” said B [Kayne] referring to how he stopped the fire by speaking to it.  “I’m  a Superman, that’s my favorite superhero, it’s a Superman cape for me.”

When asked what he told the fire to stop, B beamed.

“My dad and my mom separated, so there was not a lot of male energy in my home,” continued B, “and also I’m married to a family where, you know, there’s not a lot of male energy. It’s beautiful though. So I just looked at the fire and said, ‘you’re ain’t gonna motherfucking come anywhere near here.’ And it just backed off.”

However according to numerous reports, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West hired private firefighters to save home from the Woolsey fire and it was not magical foul language that saved their mansion. The team of firefighters reportedly dug ditches and created a fire break, which helped save the couple’s home from being touched by the flames.

Neither Ms. Kardashian nor B could be reached for further comment, although both sent out tweets asking people to send thoughts and prayers for their neighbors who weren’t as lucky.

Roy Riffle
Roy Rifflehttps://www.facebook.com/roy.riffle.5
Our youngest columnist, Roy Riffle gained fortune, though not necessarily fame, when at 9 years old he coined the phrase "Obey Your Thirst". Some of his smugness stems from "having read the bible and understanding the metaphors." Roy is currently the only Millennial on Gish Gallop payroll. And hopefully the last.

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