Magic: The Gathering Group Kicked Out of Round Table Pizza

This picture was taken moments before the fight erupted during a Magic the Gathering event at Round Table Pizza.
This picture was taken moments before the fight erupted during a Magic the Gathering event at Round Table Pizza.

Grass Valley, CA — According to the Grass Valley Police Department, several juveniles and one 23-year-old male were forced to leave Round Table Pizza on Saturday afternoon after an argument erupted during their Magic: The Gathering card game. According to other Round Table Pizza patrons, the group was quiet until a verbal argument escalated into a food fight around 5:12pm.

“I was just there with my girls,” said Janet Williams of Cedar Ridge, “when this group of young men and one girl in the back of the restaurant started yelling at each other. One of the boys had a tantrum and threw his soda glass at the oldest one wearing a fedora hat.”

Magic: The Gathering was the first trading card game produced and it continues to thrive, with approximately twelve million very nerdy players as of 2011. Each game represents a battle between wizards known as “plainswalkers”, who employ spells, artifacts, and creatures depicted on individual Magic cards to defeat their opponents. Although the original concept of the game drew heavily from the motifs of traditional fantasy role-playing games such as Dungeons & Dragons, the game play of Magic bears little similarity to pencil-and-paper adventure games. However the game retains much of the extreme awkward nerdiness of the original Dungeons & Dragons.

“Jared threw a spell at me,” said Jeff Gilbertson, 16,  speaking of 23-year-old group leader Jared Thompson of Grass Valley. “And he literally destroyed all of my life points. We had an alliance there at Round Table since 1pm. He broke that and killed my wizard plainswalker. So I chucked my Mountain Dew at him.”

Group leader Jared Thompson of Grass Valley
Group leader Jared Thompson of Grass Valley

According to a  Round Table employee, things got out of hand quickly.

“Our manager couldn’t get the group under control,” said a worker who chose to remain anonymous. “He got in there and tried to break up the fight. You know, kick them out. But then they started to pretend to cast spells on him and making all these weird faces. One of the heavier guys got on the table and screamed ‘Don’t mess with the dragon.’ So he just called the cops.”

The Fazzler reached out to group leader Jared Thompson for comment.

“Look, these are kids,” said a cocky and somewhat body odor-laden Mr. Thompson. “I watch over them. I mentor them. I’m the leader. And sometimes I like to have a little fun. Jeff [Gilbertson] just couldn’t take a joke. He is kind of a pussy.”

According to the Police, Round Table Pizza does not wish to press charges, but the franchise has banned all further Magic: The Gathering card games from its restaurant.

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Fink is a man of many words, and many web links. He likes to argue and seldom loses. Mostly because he’s well informed. And somewhat gassy.

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