Nudists Annoyed By Recent Fire Crews

North San Juan Ridge, CA — A group of anarchist naturists called The Nevada County Natural Law Collective (NCNLC) took to social media over the weekend to complain about firefighter activity in and around the area fires. The “community” of over 42 residents also filed a petition with the County claiming that their right to privacy was violated by “invasive, unlawful, and unconstitutional” firefighter units.

“It’s our bodies and our freedoms,” said NCNLC Director Casden K. Carrol speaking from the gates for their 420-acre compound located off of Tyler Foote Road. “We have a right to say who and who does not have access to our activities. That’s why we’ve filed a complaint with the county and plan on launching a lawsuit later this week.”

According to CalFire and local fire and law enforcement officials, no one from any agency came within 5 miles of NCNLC’s facilities.

“This is the first we’ve heard of this,” said Nevada County District 3 Supervisor Dan Miller. “But I want to be on the record as not approving of this lifestyle. But that’s up to Susan [4th District Supervisor who represents the area] to deal with that. Grass Valley folks don’t have any patience for this kind of stuff. But I bet Heidi does. Nevada City loves this stuff.”

Like Ridge fixture and self-proclaimed conspiracy theorist Skyy Wolford, others have a different take on the conflict.

“Well, it’s easy to see what’s going on here,” said a mood-elevated Mr. Wolford speaking via an encrypted video conference session. “It’s obviously another false flag, like, you know, the fake plandemic to take away our freedoms and control the way we think. I mean, if you do some research, you’ll get it. The COVID-19 was not scaring people like it used to; they had to create a new fear. So they started setting everything on fire.”

Mr. Wolford said he prefers to keep his clothes on but supports anyone who doesn’t like being told what to do.

As for NCNLC’s efforts, local experts believe nothing will come of it.

“I doubt a judge will do anything about their legal actions and immediately dismiss their case,” said Nevada City lawyer Katherine Lucy-Elizabeth Tatum-Stonehousefelder who has represented similar civil rights cases in the past. “I mean, it’s pretty obvious the firefighters came nowhere near their compound. So it’s a non-starter.”

Roy Riffle
Roy Riffle
Our youngest columnist, Roy Riffle gained fortune, though not necessarily fame, when at 9 years old he coined the phrase "Obey Your Thirst". Some of his smugness stems from "having read the bible and understanding the metaphors." Roy is currently the only Millennial on Gish Gallop payroll. And hopefully the last.

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