Marin County Bus Service Powered by Kale Farts

San Rafael, CA –- Marin County, known for its affluent residents, is breaking new ground in the world of green transportation. The county has introduced the innovative FlatuFuel Bus Services, a unique public transit system powered entirely by kale-induced flatulence.

Two Marin County residents, Penelope Worthington, and Chauncey van der Hout, expressed excitement over the new program. Although neither has ever set foot on a public bus, they are thrilled to contribute to the green initiative.

“I’m elated to be part of such an environmentally conscious program,” gushed Worthington, a retired socialite. “I’ve been eating kale salads every day, just to do my part. I even purchased a special fart-catching cushion to ensure no toot goes to waste.”

A tech entrepreneur and kale enthusiast, Van der Hout has also embraced the program with gusto. “I’ve set up a methane harvesting station in my home gym, where I have a strict kale smoothies and yoga regimen. I’m proud to contribute to reducing greenhouse gas emissions, one downward dog at a time,” he shared.

In contrast, Jim Bob McMillan, a truck driver from Alabama, expressed his doubts about the effectiveness of the FlatuFuel Bus Services.

“I reckon there’s a time and place for going green, but powering buses with farts seems like a stretch. Besides, I’ve always thought kale tasted like a mix between grass and sadness.”

Marin County has a history of adopting cutting-edge, environmentally friendly programs. However, the introduction of the FlatuFuel Bus Services is just the beginning, as the county has an ambitious lineup of green initiatives in the pipeline:

  • Sun Salute Energy (SSE): A solar-powered yoga studio initiative where yogis perform synchronized sun salutations while wearing energy-absorbing suits, generating unprecedented solar energy. The more flexible the yogi, the more power they create, taking “feel the burn” to a whole new level.
  • SoilMates: An organic food scrap compost-a-thon where residents compete in compost-themed events such as “food scrap shot put” and “speed composting.” With a compost-filled blast, the goal is to turn food waste into nutrient-rich soil at record-breaking speeds.
  • Squeeze & Save: The Zero-Waste Juicery Project introduces the world’s first human-powered juicing machines. Patrons step onto giant hamster wheels and run to power the juicers, combining exercise and fresh juice production. Participants are rewarded with a cup of juice and a sense of accomplishment.
  • ChargeCycle: The electric bicycle share program features bicycles that charge other electric devices as you pedal. Cyclists can now power their smartphones, laptops, and even their neighbor’s electric vehicle while enjoying a scenic ride. The program slogan? “Pedal power to the people!”
  • Creative ReUse: Upcycled art installations that turn discarded materials into stunning public art and double as functional structures. Some examples include a playground made entirely of reclaimed tires, a wind chime installation producing electricity, and a dog park featuring sculptures that dispense biodegradable waste bags.

Marin County’s FlatuFuel Bus Services is a bold step toward a greener future. While some may question the efficacy of such an unorthodox method, there is no denying the county’s commitment to finding innovative ways to protect the environment. Worthington says, “With FlatuFuel, we’re taking a stand against climate change, one toot at a time.”

Roy Riffle
Roy Riffle
Our youngest columnist, Roy Riffle gained fortune, though not necessarily fame, when at 9 years old he coined the phrase "Obey Your Thirst". Some of his smugness stems from "having read the bible and understanding the metaphors." Roy is currently the only Millennial on Gish Gallop payroll. And hopefully the last.

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