Mike Pence a Closet Iron Maiden Fan, Claims College Boyfriend

Is Vice President Pence a closet Iron Maiden fan?
Is Vice President Pence a closet Iron Maiden fan?

Washington, D.C. — New revelations from an old “friend” of Vice President Mike Pence claim that the now ultra-conservative, evangelical Christian was a closet fan of the 1980s heavy metal band Iron Maiden.

“Oh Mike was always a well-groomed sharp dresser,” said  Gary Donalson who was a dorm roommate and “friend” of Mr. Pence in 1983. “He was private and kept to himself. He had a large collection of Men’s fitness magazines and listened to Wham! continually. But what he really didn’t want people to know, was his Maiden addiction. One time when I came home one night, we were blasting Trooper at full volume. When he saw me standing in the door, he quickly turned off the record player and pretended like nothing was happening.”

According to Mr. Donalson, Mr. Pence tried hard for years to conceal his obsession with pioneers of the new wave of British Heavy Metal, but like all secrets, it was hard to keep.

“I mean look, when anyone was around, you know, like his church youth group,” continued Mr. Donalson, “he’d play Amy Grant records. And when he really wanted to ‘rock out,’ he’d spin Petra one. But he had this deep secret hidden from everyone. You know,” Mr. Donalson began to whisper, “he had Eddie bed sheets that he kept inside out so no one would see them. I only discovered them when I decided to wash his clothes for him. I was like, ‘what the hell is this?’.”

When asked about the Vice President’s Iron Maiden obsession at today’s daily press briefing, Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders at first seemed to not understand the question, and then flatly denied Mr. Pence’s love of the band.

“Look, you folks love to make stories up, and I’ve already answered this questions a hundred times already,” said Ms. Sanders referring to the zero times the press corps has asked about Mr. Pence and early 1980s heavy metal music. “But I don’t have anything to add to what’s already been said about the matter. And that’s all I’m going to comment at this time.”

The Vice President’s spokesperson had no comment.

Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair is Gish Gallop's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.

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