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St. Louis, MO — Agriculture giant Monsanto has been an innovative force for many years. The genetically modified crops have increased harvest yields for farmers worldwide, and at their St. Louis headquarters, they have created another product to help the world.

Monsanto has teamed up with the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) to engineer corn with the flu vaccine already in it. No more shots, eat the modified food products, and you are protected.

Dr. Thorn Grimm, the head biologist, and creator of the new modified seeds, spoke to The Fazzler about the product.

“It is truly innovative, no longer will we have to rely on eggs to produce vaccines,”  said Dr. Grimm. “No more shortages either. Just grab a can of corn, and you are good to go!”

Anti-GMO protesters are furious over what Monsanto is calling Vacci-corn. Their ranks are being bolstered by the anti-vaccination protesters to create large gatherings outside of Monsanto facilities, often throwing sex toys at workers for some unknown reason.

Grinnell, Iowa facility worker Stan Lowbrau spoke to The Fazzler.

“They make it hard to get to work, they block the driveway with sex toys, it is hard to work staring at a 12″ dildo,”  said Lowbrau. “They went overboard by throwing tofu at our cars, the seagulls ate it and got diarrhea, they pooped all over everyone.”

The FDA is expected to approve the Vacci-corn for human consumption in the next week. Consumers can expect to see it on shelves within a month after approval is granted.

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Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.