Passion of the Christ to be Made into a Lego Movie

Burbank, CA — Warner Brothers Entertainment announced that it plans on making a Lego version of the Passion of Jesus, which will premiere in December, shortly before Christmas. The stop-motion animation version of the short and final period in the life of Jesus covering his entrance visit to Jerusalem and leading to his crucifixion on Mount Calvary will feature Christian Slater’s voice as Jesus and Winona Ryder as Mary Magdalene. It is being produced by Patricia Heaton, best known as the comic foil in the popular sitcom “Everybody Loves Raymond,” and will be directed by Stephen Baldwin.

Lego movies have become a billion-dollar enterprise in the past few years, and entertainment analysts say the trend will continue into the foreseeable future.

“It’s pretty obvious what’s going on here,” according to Morgan Stanley entertainment analyst Jim “The Jeff” Bremfall. “There is a pure synergy between Legos and popular culture. It’s a win-win for both enterprises. These are the new family films of the future, much like Pixar’s Toy Story series were.”

Conservative Christian groups are excited that the “Liberal Hollywood Media” is finally making a film with the value they admire, in a medium accessible for children of all ages. Unfortunately, the film is tentatively rated at PG-13.

“I can finally take my kids to see a wholesome film,” said Simi Valley, CA resident, and born-again Christian Monika Stokes. “I took them to see the Mel Gibson version a few years back, but my four-year-old just screamed and cried through the film. With this version, we can finally enjoy our popcorn in a fun-for-the-whole-family theme.”

Filming has already begun.

Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair is Gish Gallop's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.

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