Putin Signals Diplomacy By Shortening His Table

Moscow, Russia — As the crisis in Eastern Europe escalates in what’s turning out as a standoff between NATO and Russian forces. Observers claim that his new compact conference table signals a new willingness for a diplomatic solution.

“Well, it puts leaders closer,” said Professor James Badwater of the University of Chicago’s Badwater Institute for Foreign Policy and Snack Foods. “I mean before they were several feet apart. I mean, like two ping-pong tables apart. Now each leader can smell each other’s bad breath.”

More than one observer noted the size of Mr. Putin’s previous conference table.

“It’s a power play,” said Olga Khvostunova, a director at the Institute of Modern Russia think tank in New York, adding that Putin “would take pleasure” in unnerving his rivals in a bid to get the upper hand. Moreover, the images would likely play well among his supporters at home because of “the perception of pressure it is placing on Western leaders,” she said.

As the controversy spread, the Russian government felt compelled to address the issue this afternoon.

“There are no truths to these western rumors,” said Putin spokesman Dmitry Peskov. “It’s a finely crafted table from Italy. And it was not purchased from Ikea. These are all just silly speculations.”

Despite denials, furniture giant IKEA offers a table called "the Putin"
Despite denials, furniture giant IKEA offers a table called “the Putin.”

Russian officials claim there is no truth to the oddly sized table’s rumors. Many include that its size is due to Mr. Putin’s fear of getting sick or that he’s overcompensating for a small penis.

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Randall 'fink' Finkelsteinhttps://www.broadstreetbeacon.com
Fink is a man of many words, and many web links. He likes to argue and seldom loses. Mostly because he’s well informed. And somewhat gassy.

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