U2 Escapes Death After Attempting Peace Concert In Paris

Aging rock band U2 nearly missed certain death by manure following an attempted 'peace concert' in Paris.
Aging rock band U2 nearly missed certain death by manure following an attempted ‘peace concert’ in Paris.

Paris, France — Rock band U2 barely escaped with their lives after attempting to hold a “peace concert” in downtown Paris this past weekend. According to a spokesperson for the band, the concert was the brain child of lead singer Bono.

“Bono wanted to do something to ease tensions in France given the current protests. However it didn’t workout that way. In fact, it seemed to have the opposite effect.”

Bystanders report that the band arrived early Saturday morning at Champs-Elysées to set up for their mid-afternoon show. However trouble immediately started as they performed their early morning sound check.

Several protesters drove what appeared to be a large septic truck filled with liquefied horse manure approached the state from the south and started spray the rockers with stream after stream of putrid dung. At first the group had no idea what was going on, assuming that the truck was a police water vehicle. However seconds after getting sprayed, Bono yelled at the band to take cover.

Va te faire foutre les cochons impérialistes!” Shouted one man driving the septic truck. 

At which point, the band was quickly ushered off the stage and into a series of limousines parked nearby.

“U2 will be fine. They’ve all received tetanus shots and are recovering in Spain at the moment,” continued their spokesperson.


Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair is Gish Gallop's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.

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