Wikileaks Releases the Gay Agenda

London, UK — Wikileaks, the international non-profit organization that publishes news leaks and classified media provided by anonymous sources, finally published the “Gay Agenda” after years of holding onto the information. Released over the weekend, the bombshell report prominently featured the calendar entry of Emeryville, CA’s David Cinders, documenting many of his “gay” activities for June.

“I don’t know how Wikileaks got this, but I don’t care other than having my name out there, you know? But whatevers. I mean, they should have seen my July and August,” exclaimed Mr. Cinders.

His agenda included such controversial items as ‘Lunch with Keith’ and multiple Wednesday therapy appointments, which Mr. Cinders calls “brain maintenance.”

Wikileaks Releases the Gay Agenda
A screenshot of Emeryville, CA’s David Cinders “Gay Agenda.”

“I go to the gym for my body, so why not do the same for my brain, you know? I think more people should do that.”

Conservatives immediately called for a Congressional investigation as to why the Biden Administration has hidden and suppressed what some Republicans called “a damning reveal.”

“Americans want answers to why the Biden Administration is hiding such things,” said Senator Ted Cruz speaking with Fox News earlier this week. “Look, we want to know more about this ‘dinner with Conner’ stuff. The American people demand answers.”

For their part, the Biden Administration denied holding back the Wikileaks reveal and said it doesn’t like to dignify “dumb Republican comments with a response.”

Roy Riffle
Roy Riffle
Our youngest columnist, Roy Riffle gained fortune, though not necessarily fame, when at 9 years old he coined the phrase "Obey Your Thirst". Some of his smugness stems from "having read the bible and understanding the metaphors." Roy is currently the only Millennial on Gish Gallop payroll. And hopefully the last.

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