National News

The meat product, which is called Velmeata, is said to have a shelf life of almost 47 years and requires no refrigeration, according to company officials.

According to Kayne West, now known as 'B', he was able to save his home by merely talking to the wildfire.

Deidre Merryweather received insult to injury this past week after discovering that a parking ticket had been placed on her submerged Ford Taurus.

"I needed a place to escape the constant media attention and public scrutiny," Gaetz told reporters. "What better place to hide out than the former home of the King of Pop?"

An Amazon Fulfillment Center Warehouse #DFW6 burnt to the ground overnight after a large fireworks package unexpectedly exploded while being carried by an automated robot "picker."

North San Juan resident, part-time chemtrail researcher and amateur ionizing radiation hobbyist Skyy Wolford announced to a somewhat disinterested crowd out in front of the Sierra Super Stop that St. George, Utah is an elaborate hoax and does not exist. Mr. Wolford, who was recently in the news following his landmark Wi-Fi disability settlement, has been studying what he calls "the Macon anomaly" for the past 3 years.

Sources say that Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg had teamed up with hacktivist group Anonymous to trace the hoax post back to its origin. The post promises that Zuckerberg will hand over a bunch of money to some dummy if they repost it.

An area high-tech business has hired the security firm Blackwater to protect its assets and inventory that can no longer fit within the secure perimeters of the company's property.