ISIS Regrets Porta Potty Purchase After Attack

A video capture from an Internet ISIS video showing the porta potties being scattered by a Merlin helicopter.
A video capture from an Internet ISIS video showing the porta potties being scattered by a Merlin helicopter.

Northern Iraq — A faction of the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria or ISIS said that it will be asking for its money back after their lease of 14 “Porta Potties” from Justin’s Toilet Rentals of Grass Valley, CA were flung around following an allied helicopter fly over. Coalition forces flew a Merlin helicopter and destroyed nearly all the combatants’ latrines.

“This is an outrage,” said press minister Abu Hasayn Al Britani through an interpreter. “We were told but Justin himself that these toilets were top-of-the-line. But as the world has seen now, they were, how do you say, easy targets for the American [untranslatable noun having to do with a dog’s rear end] who simply had to fly over and scatter them everywhere.”

According to British helicopter captain Oliver James, it was one of his easiest missions.

“We received the orders as 0900 to take out an encampment in [redacted],” said Captain James via Skype. “When we arrived at the target, the enemy was in this easy-to-spot, blue portable toilets. So just flew in low and blew them everywhere. It was hard to tell the toilet paper from the terrorists.”

It is unclear at the time of this writing if coalition forces will use this gunless tactic in the future.

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Randall 'fink' Finkelsteinhttps://www.broadstreetbeacon.com
Fink is a man of many words, and many web links. He likes to argue and seldom loses. Mostly because he’s well informed. And somewhat gassy.

More from author

Related posts

Advertisment

Latest posts

Sotheby’s To Auction Off Original Prototype of MyPillow

Sotheby’s stuns with a once-in-a-lifetime auction, offering the original MyPillow prototype—purportedly stuffed with the essence of the American dream—set to redefine luxury sleep and history, one overpriced, patriotically infused bid at a time.

McDonald’s Bids Farewell to Epstein Island’s Last Golden Arches Amid Controversial Legacy

The McDonald’s on Epstein Island has shuttered its windows for good, marking the end of what the company now refers to as a "misguided adventure in international franchising." The closure comes amidst a whirlwind of controversy and a belated corporate acknowledgment that some locations, no matter how potentially profitable, are better left un-McTouched.

Bombshell Uncovered: Hunter S. Thompson’s Lost ‘Dr. Strangelove’ Audition

A recently unearthed photograph has revealed the unimaginable: Hunter S. Thompson, king of gonzo journalism, once commandeered the captain’s seat of a B-52, not in the throes of a drug-fueled fantasy, but as a contender for the iconic role in Kubrick’s 'Dr. Strangelove.' The discovery challenges everything we thought we knew about the man who lived on the edge of American sanity.