Jerry and Elaine Discuss New Research on Dry Humping Self-Checkout Machines

New York, NY — Jerry and Elaine were sitting in Jerry’s apartment, discussing the strange news they had heard about experts recommending dry-humping Safeway self-checkout machines as a way to reduce stress and improve overall well-being.

“I can’t believe it,” Jerry exclaimed. “Dry humping self-checkout machines? That’s just ridiculous.”

Elaine shrugged.

“I don’t know, Jerry. I’ve heard some pretty weird things that are supposed to be good for stress management.”

“Like what?” Jerry asked skeptically.

“Well, there’s always meditation, or yoga, or those weird chanting things people do,” Elaine replied.

Jerry rolled his eyes.

“Those are one thing, but dry-humping self-checkout machines? That’s just bizarre.”

Just then, Kramer burst into the apartment.

“Hey, have you guys heard about this dry-humping self-checkout machines thing?” he asked excitedly.

Jerry and Elaine exchanged a look of disbelief.

“Yes, we have,” Elaine replied. “And we’re not exactly convinced it’s a good idea.”

Kramer waved his hand dismissively.

“Ah, come on. You guys are always so uptight. You could use a little stress relief, and this seems like a fun way to do it.”

Jerry shook his head.

“Fun? Dry humping self-checkout machines? You might be the only one who thinks so, Kramer.”

Kramer shrugged.

“Suit yourself, Jerry. I’ll go try it out for myself and see how it works. Maybe I’ll even bring a few friends along for the ride.”

As Kramer headed out the door, Jerry and Elaine looked at each other with a mixture of bemusement and horror.

“I think I’ll stick to my traditional stress-relief methods, like complaining about my neighbors or making fun of tourists,” Jerry said with a sigh.

“Same here,” Elaine agreed. “Dry-humping self-checkout machines just isn’t for us.”