Putin Shocks World: Blames Google Maps for Ukraine Invasion Fiasco

Moscow, Russia — Russian President Vladimir Putin has taken the blame for his recent military invasion of Ukraine and placed it squarely on the shoulders of none other than Google Maps.

According to sources close to the Kremlin, Putin was relying on the popular navigation app to guide his troops into Ukraine, but it seems the tech giant may have let him down.

“I don’t know what happened,” Putin said. “The northern divisions followed Google maps, and everything went smoothly. But then, all of a sudden, They said they were all lost in the middle of nowhere and surrounded by angry Ukrainian soldiers.”

The Russian leader, known for his tough exterior, was reportedly seen pulling out his hair and cursing at his phone as Ukraine spiraled out of control.

But it wasn’t just the Ukrainian soldiers that the Russian troops had to contend with. Sources reveal that several Russian tanks drove into swimming pools after following Google Maps directions. The troops tried to avoid Ukrainian roadblocks but ended up causing a splash in residential backyards instead. Several armored personnel carriers ended up at several Ukrainian strip clubs, but it’s unclear whether that was an accident.

Despite widespread criticism from world leaders and the international community, Putin stands by his claim that it was all Google’s fault.

“I trusted them with the fate of my country, and they let me down,” Putin stated. “I demand that Google Maps take responsibility for their actions and compensate the Russian people.”

In response to Putin’s accusations, Google has issued a statement saying that it does not take sides in political conflicts and that it is up to the user to ensure that their maps are accurate and up-to-date.

The world watches in disbelief as the leader of one of the world’s largest superpowers places the blame for his failure on a navigation app. But it seems that Putin is determined to stick to his story, and the situation in Ukraine remains as tense as ever.

Stay tuned for further updates on this developing story, including interviews with disgruntled pool and strip club owners and the latest developments in the Russian-Ukrainian conflict.

Roy Riffle
Roy Rifflehttps://www.facebook.com/roy.riffle.5
Our youngest columnist, Roy Riffle gained fortune, though not necessarily fame, when at 9 years old he coined the phrase "Obey Your Thirst". Some of his smugness stems from "having read the bible and understanding the metaphors." Roy is currently the only Millennial on Gish Gallop payroll. And hopefully the last.

More from author

Related posts

Advertisment

Latest posts

Metallica’s James Hetfield Celebrates a PhD in Astrophysics

Metallica heavy metal guitarist and lead singer James Hetfield announced on his personal Facebook page that he had just finished defending his PhD dissertation at California Institute of Technology in Pasadena (CalTech), CA

Ed Force One Cited for Unauthorized Chemtrail Emissions

British heavy metal legends Iron Maiden are being investigated for illegal chemtrail spraying with the use of their customized touring aircraft, the ex-Air France 747-400 jumbo jet known as Ed Force One.