Johnny Rotten Impersonates Palace Guard

Former Sex Pistols frontman Johnny Rotten was impersonating one the Queen Elizabeth's guards, according to area resident Jennifer Johnson.
Former Sex Pistols frontman Johnny Rotten was impersonating one the Queen Elizabeth’s guards, according to area resident Jennifer Johnson.

Westminster, England — An American tourist snapped a photograph of what appeared to be John Lydon impersonating one of Queen Elizabeth II’s guards in front of Buckingham Palace earlier this week. Cedar Ridge, CA resident Pete Johnson and his wife Jennifer were on their annual vacation to England, when Mrs. Johnson snapped what appeared to be the former Sex Pistols frontman Johnny Rotten donning the full royal guard uniform.

“I have to be honest,” said Mr. Johnson recalling the event, “I really didn’t want to go to Buckingham Palace to see the changing of the guard thing. For Christ’s sake, you can watch it on YouTube and it ain’t nothing to see. But I’ll be damned if Jenn didn’t have a Kodak moment.”

When the couple arrived there were hundreds of people standing around just staring at the guard.

“That’s the thing, you know,” continued Mr. Johnson. “It’s like every other god-damned tourist attraction. Lots of waiting around and tourist trinkets to buy.  We had the same experience in Yellowstone waiting for that stupid geyser. At least they had ice cream. Anyhow, we get there and Jennifer pushes her way to the front of the crowd and she says to me, ‘Pete, that’s Johnny Rotten.’ I thought she was nuts, but when I looked closer, I swear it was him.”

Several calls were made to the Queen’s administration, with none providing any answers. Of course, there were many jokes to be had.

“I ‘spose you think he’s finally saving the Queen, you wankers,” said one rude administrator on the 4th call requesting additional information. “You Yanks are all the same, always seeing things that are not there.”

As for Ms. Johnson, she’s convinced it was him.

“I know this dates me, but I was a huge Pistols fan back in the day,” said Ms. Johnson seeming to remember her youth. “It was him. I even yelled at him and tried to get him to flinch by saying Public Image Ltd sucked, but he didn’t as so much twitch. I dunno, maybe he was doing some television show or something.”

Roy Riffle
Roy Riffle
Our youngest columnist, Roy Riffle gained fortune, though not necessarily fame, when at 9 years old he coined the phrase "Obey Your Thirst". Some of his smugness stems from "having read the bible and understanding the metaphors." Roy is currently the only Millennial on Gish Gallop payroll. And hopefully the last.

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