Food
Trump Floats New Tariffs on Orange Chicken
First it was tech and steel, now it’s Orange Chicken? Trump’s latest tariff talk has diners across America worried about rising prices—again. After his 2018 tariffs led to unexpected inflation and higher food costs, what will this new push do to your wallet? Could we be headed for an Orange Chicken crisis? Read more about his latest 2024 campaign move!
National News
Kamala Harris Dances for Climate Justice—And Promises Manitoba Will Pay for It
Kamala Harris combined environmental urgency with a surprise dance routine at a Scranton rally, promising a “wall around oil fields” and entertaining supporters with the “Kangaroo Rat Shuffle” as “YMCA” played.
Alternative
Ten Things You Can Do with All the Toilet Paper You’ve Hoarded
With the East Coast port strike resolved and no shortage of toilet paper in sight, many Americans are now stuck with a surplus of panic-bought TP. But don’t worry! From building cozy TP forts to crafting DIY wedding dresses, here are ten hilarious and creative ways to make the most of your toilet paper stash.
Alternative
Trump Promises to Make ‘Mr. Twitter’ Press Secretary if Elected
In true Trump fashion, he’s shaking up the White House again, this time by replacing the press secretary with Twitter! Or as Trump calls it, “Mr. Twitter" in his quest for “government efficiency,” Trump’s next big idea involves tweets, emojis, and Musk’s downsizing magic.
Earth News
Iranian Leadership’s Sony PlayStations Reportedly Exploding
Iranian officials’ PlayStations are reportedly exploding, leaving the ruling class grappling with a new “crisis” while citizens endure far worse hardships. Whether it's Israeli sabotage or just bad wiring, the explosions highlight the absurd disparity between the elite and everyday Iranians. Spoiler: most Iranians don’t even know what a PlayStation 5 is.
Alternative
Biden-Harris Admin Accused of Using HAARP to Blow Away Florida Voters
Conspiracy theorists are alleging that the Biden-Harris administration is weaponizing HAARP to control Hurricane Helene and suppress Republican voters in Florida. Theories of mind control, 5G nanoparticles, and chemtrails swirl, but Caltech astrophysicist Dr. Tral Aldrich debunks the claims, tiredly reminding everyone that HAARP is a research facility, not a joystick for manipulating elections or the weather.
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Chemtrails
You know they are controlling the skies. Here's the proof.
Trump Tells Coachella “The Enemy Within” Is Really Just a Bucket of KFC
In a rally for the ages, Trump stuns the crowd with his wild confession: the true “enemy within” isn’t foreign powers or political foes—it’s a KFC Family Bucket, and let’s just say, the aftermath is deadly. Is this his most absurd speech yet? Click to find out how fried chicken and flatulence took center stage.
Ten Things You Can Do with All the Toilet Paper You’ve Hoarded
With the East Coast port strike resolved and no shortage of toilet paper in sight, many Americans are now stuck with a surplus of panic-bought TP. But don’t worry! From building cozy TP forts to crafting DIY wedding dresses, here are ten hilarious and creative ways to make the most of your toilet paper stash.
Biden-Harris Admin Accused of Using HAARP to Blow Away Florida Voters
Conspiracy theorists are alleging that the Biden-Harris administration is weaponizing HAARP to control Hurricane Helene and suppress Republican voters in Florida. Theories of mind control, 5G nanoparticles, and chemtrails swirl, but Caltech astrophysicist Dr. Tral Aldrich debunks the claims, tiredly reminding everyone that HAARP is a research facility, not a joystick for manipulating elections or the weather.
Alternative
Sat upright, raising a heavy fur muff that covered the whole of her lower arm towards the viewer. He then turned to look out the window.
Ten Things You Can Do with All the Toilet Paper You’ve Hoarded
With the East Coast port strike resolved and no shortage of toilet paper in sight, many Americans are now stuck with a surplus of panic-bought TP. But don’t worry! From building cozy TP forts to crafting DIY wedding dresses, here are ten hilarious and creative ways to make the most of your toilet paper stash.
Trump Promises to Make ‘Mr. Twitter’ Press Secretary if Elected
In true Trump fashion, he’s shaking up the White House again, this time by replacing the press secretary with Twitter! Or as Trump calls it, “Mr. Twitter" in his quest for “government efficiency,” Trump’s next big idea involves tweets, emojis, and Musk’s downsizing magic.
Biden-Harris Admin Accused of Using HAARP to Blow Away Florida Voters
Conspiracy theorists are alleging that the Biden-Harris administration is weaponizing HAARP to control Hurricane Helene and suppress Republican voters in Florida. Theories of mind control, 5G nanoparticles, and chemtrails swirl, but Caltech astrophysicist Dr. Tral Aldrich debunks the claims, tiredly reminding everyone that HAARP is a research facility, not a joystick for manipulating elections or the weather.
High Stakes News
And he looked over at the alarm clock, ticking on the chest of drawers. It was half past six and the hands were quietly moving forwards.
Local Man Accidentally Hits Share Button on Adult Web Site
A local 32 year old Grass Valley man has accidentally hit a "share" button on the popular pornography site "assablanca.com."
ChatGPT Researcher Now Home Foundations Expert
Mr. Ford is undaunted by criticisms. And says he doesn't care what people think.
Mysterious Light Beam Photographed Over Nevada City, CA
A picture of the mysterious light beam taken by Toby "Doob" Carnevale of Nevada City.
Unexplained
It's here. It's strange. You want this.
Chemtrail Film Festival Coming To Nevada City, CA
The Chemtrail Action Network (CAN) announced the first-ever traveling Chemtrail Film Festival coming to Nevada City, CA this August. The film festival will be making its first stop in the secluded Sierra Nevada Foothills town for a 4 day run starting on the 14th of August and running until the 18th.
Self-Driving Car Totaled After Bigfoot Encounter Near North San Juan
When the Highway Patrol arrived on the scene, they found a mess of twisted metal and a little bit of hair.
Investigators Stumble Upon Secret Graniteville Bunker
This is where the adventure begins. The following is a edited recount of Moonash's and Mr. Wolford's unusual discovery. Residents of the usually private and esoteric Sierra Nevada foothills community didn't know about this.
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Other News
More Fazzle for your brain.
Chemtrails
Internet Researcher: Asheville, North Carolina Doesn’t Exist
North San Juan resident, part-time chemtrail researcher and amateur ionizing radiation hobbyist Skyy Wolford announced to a somewhat disinterested crowd out in front of the Sierra Super Stop that Asheville, North Carolina is an elaborate hoax and does not exist.
Earth News
Former White Stripes Drummer Meg White Join Rush on New Tour
Former White Stripes drummer Meg White to replace Rush's recently passed Neil Peart on drums for their upcoming tour.
Alternative
Hippie Kid Runs Through Restaurant
Five-year-old Sunbeam Moonrider, a free-spirited Truckee child, narrowly dodged disaster in Foragers' Fusion restaurant. Amid his chaotic romp, Rider barely avoided a molten cheese mishap while his hippie parents casually observed. The restaurant's patrons experienced anxiety and amusement during the wild evening.
Living
Amazon Warehouses Now Issuing Adult Diapers to Workers
Amazon.com announced that it would be providing adult diapers for all of its fulfillment center workers.
Art
Sesame Street Announces New Transgender Character
The Sesame Workshop, formerly known as the Children's Television Workshop, announced that its flagship program Sesame Street will feature its first transgender character for the 2019 season.
Satire
Area Man Cited For Surfing the Lake Oroville Spillway
Grass Valley's self-proclaimed "ganja surfer" Seth Mastrangelo is thrilled to have the Oroville Dam Spillway open again.
Local News
Richard Simmons Found Not Dead In L.A.
Richard Simmons, the 67 year old fitness guru known for his "sweating to the oldies" workout videos, has been found alive.